"Take full possession."

Here's another quote from AC's If that I've chewed on for a couple of weeks:

No vision of the night can show, no word declare, with what longings of love Divine Love waits till the heart, all weary and sick of itself, turns to its Lord and says, "Take full possession."  There is no need to plead that the love of God shall fill our heart as though He were unwilling to fill us: He is willing as light is willing to flood a room that is opened to its brightness; willing as water is willing to flow into an emptied channel.   Love is pressing around us on all sides like air.  Cease to resist, and instantly love takes possession.  As the 15th century poem Quia amore langues says,

Long and love thou never so high,

My love is more than thine may be.

More, far more.  For as His abundance of pardon passes our power to tell it, so does His abundance of love: it is far as the east is from the west, high as the heaven is above the earth.  But words fail.  Love soars above them all.

To look at ourselves leads to despair.  Thank God, the Blood cleanseth.

If thou be foul, I shall make thee clean,

If thou be sick, I shall thee heal.

Foundest thou ever love so leal*?

Never, Lord, never.

*leal: loyal, faithful, honest, true

For some reason it took this to make me realize just what it means to ask for God to "take full possession."  Yes, I've asked for God to take control of my life, consciously, but not realizing the magnitude of its implications.  Take, for example, that my iPod is in a season right now in which nearly every day, I sing along with some artist singing "Come Thou Fount."  That means nearly every day, often multiple times a day, I pray "Let Thy grace now, like a fetter bind my wandering heart to Thee...  Here's my heart, Lord, take and seal it, seal it for Thy courts above."  

Have I thought enough about how, along with asking for fantastic things such as to know songs of angels and acknowledging Christ as the giver of every blessing and the one who has and is and will guide me, I am asking God to have my heart - my life.  Then how I can live my life every day as if it is still my own, as if, perhaps I did offer my life to Him, but then figured He did not really want it!  When it is exactly what He wants from me!

And if I really give up myself, submitting to Him, then God really will have no reservations in completely drowning me His love.  We can wonder what God's will for our lives may be for the unknown future, important decisions in relationships and jobs, but although we may not know the specific answers to these questions, we must first remember this: for certain, God's will for us is to be submitted to Him.  He alone deserves it.  Romans 12:1-2 "Therefore I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices; this is your spiritual act of worship.  Do not conform any longer to the the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  Then you will be able to test and approve God's will, His good, pleasing, and perfect will."  And what joy would follow in knowing Him and His love when we have fully given our lives to Him, and see Him lay out His good plan for our lives?  

What have I missed because I never before gave a request for His control with a serious thought?  What have I missed because of idols that I may not even realize I look to or how strongly I clutch them in my hand; "Take full possession...except this."...

Then praise Him also for His mercy, in that even when we offer our hearts, without putting our whole heart into it, He still hears our prayers and is more than willing to take them, in spite of us!  All the people like me who pray every day or sing in church every week and half-heartedly offer their lives, Jesus loves so much to still grant our requests and continue to grow us, make us a work in progress and take care of us, until we are finally of His image.  Not that all who pray earnestly to any god are saved; Jesus is still the way, the truth, and the life, and no one comes to the Father except through Him.  But God still hears their prayer, and did offer His Son that all who receive Him and believe in His name would be given the right to be called children of God.  We, then, can pray as well that those who are not in the Kingdom but pray to know God would really come to know Him and Christ as their Savior, and so enter.  God is willing (see 1 Timothy 2:1-7).

And even after all this discussion, I suspect I still don't really fathom what requesting that the Lord "take full possession" of me will mean.  Who knows what it could cost me or where it could take me.  I do know that following Jesus isn't easy, and that He said Himself many times it would be difficult.

But what would I gain?

Am I not yet "weary and sick of" myself?

...hereitgoes...

How can I keep from singing?

I like both of these...

My life flows on in endless song:
Above earth's lamentation,
I catch the sweet, tho' far-off hymn
That hails a new creation.
Through all the tumult and the strife
I hear the music ringing;
It finds an echo in my soul--
How can I keep from singing?

What tho' my joys and comfort die?
The Lord my Saviour liveth;
What tho' the darkness gather round?
Songs in the night he giveth.
No storm can shake my inmost calm,
While to that refuge clinging;
Since Christ is Lord of heaven and earth,
How can I keep from singing?

I lift my eyes; the cloud grows thin;
I see the blue above it;
And day by day this pathway smooths,
Since first I learned to love it.
The peace of Christ makes fresh my heart,
A fountain ever springing;
All things are mine since I am his--
How can I keep from singing?

And the new one:

There is an endless song
Echoes in my soul
I hear the music ring

And though the storms may come
I am holding on
To the rock I cling

How can I keep from singing Your praise
How can I ever say enough
How amazing is Your love
How can I keep from shouting Your name
I know I am loved by the King
And it makes my heart want to sing

I will lift my eyes
In the darkest night
For I know my Savior lives

And I will walk with You
Knowing You'll see me through
And sing the songs You give

I can sing in the troubled times
Sing when I win
I can sing when I lose my step
And fall down again
I can sing 'cause You pick me up
Sing 'cause You're there
I can sing 'cause You hear me, Lord
When I call to You in prayer
I can sing with my last breath
Sing for I know
That I'll sing with the angels
And the saints around the throne

other things I've wanted to blog about

some more random stuff and links in no real order:

• My tribute to Michael Jackson: a clip from a made-for-internet movie that we watched in my Chinese media class: "007 vs. the Man in Black"
  

• World Vision's report on human trafficking
  

• "Pastor Dad" - an e-booklet by Mark Driscoll
  

• A quote from AC's If: "If a sudden jar can cause me to speak an impatient, unloving word, then I know nothing of Calvary love.  For a cup brimful of sweet water cannot spill even a drop of bitter water, however suddenly jolted."
  

• I went skydiving with my dad!  You can tell from the pictures that I had fun!
  

Thoughts on the pictures (expressing my vanity): I look really good in these pictures, in my opinion.  Which is weird because I haven't showered, my hair is a mess, I'm sweaty, and obviously windblown after I land, still they're great pictures of me.  I had wondered if it was just the photographer...that's a sad way to look at things though.  I think, part of me needs to admit that when I am as happy and confident as I was in these pictures, I'm...beautiful.

The reason for my happiness/confidence: I had seen my dad skydive throughout my childhood.  Of course there was some fear and adrenaline, but if I'd just stop and remember that I've seen skydiving be successful many times before, and put trust in my tandem jumper, I'd be just fine.  So I just had to sit back and enjoy!

-->hear the spiritual implications?

Skydiving is not nearly as scary as moving to a foreign country.  But I'm doing that too, and hope that by remembering what my Father has done for me already and how He protects and shields me and "surrounds me with shouts of deliverance" I'll be okay.  So I hope I look just as good in all my pictures from Turkey :P

• My roommate Erin is getting married soon!  Woohoo!  Congrats Erin!
  

• Facebook again is crazy.  Appropriate behavior is difficult for me.  The balance between misuse and avoiding community is hard for me to find.  But my accountability partner Christina has internet access again, and she has been really good helping me.  And I really appreciate the support I've gotten from CESL friends (especially all you gila Indonesians!) and the encouragement from Villagers ^_^.  And even better~ Romans 6:1-2 "What shall I say then?  Shall I go on misusing time via Facebook so that grace may abound?  By no means!  I died to misusing time via Facebook; how can I live misusing time via Facebook any longer?"
  

• I had a great time in Irvine last month with my friends and I'm really looking forward to Seattle next week with Natsuko!
  

• I will leave for Turkey on August 20th and will arrive on August 21st.  The 21st is the night the month of Ramadan starts.  I'm excited to get to experience Ramadan in an Islamic country, especially Eid! (the celebration at the end of the fast)
  

• So this is somewhat old news but it made me happy.  The kid actors of Slumdog Millionaire Azharuddin Mohammed Ismail and Rubina Ali who have still been living in slums are being taken care of.
  

they're adorable!

some articles:

'Slumdog Millionaire' child star moves from slum shanty into new apartment

Slumdog Millionaire's Rubina Ali to release autobiography

Azhar has a new home and Rubina will have one soon, after both of their places had been demolished earlier this year.  Pray for the millions of kids in India and around the world who live in poverty and didn't get picked for a movie to get all this stuff.

• Satan hates me.  But he's defeated.  Thank You, Jesus.
  

• 2 things I'm really not good at: saying goodbye, and knowing what to do/say when my friends' relationships break up. :(  I've tried to blog about goodbyes many many times and still can't express everything.  I hate it.
  

• The Book of Acts is fascinating.
  

that's about it for now.

my prayer journal

I finished filling up this prayer journal a few weeks ago. I'm grateful for the time I've had to pray, causing it to fill up fast, but I wish I had more time with it; the design had so much character! I still remember my thought process when I bought it...

Wow, can you say "addict"?  Hmm, I like coffee...

(back cover)

Aww, cute lattes!  (look at front over again)...Oh, I get it!  It's a "coffee from around the world" journal!!

(inside front cover)

"muchas gracias!"  aww cute!!  And what's this? (The inside says "A cup of coffee commits one to forty years of friendship - Turkish Proverb")

A Turkish proverb?!?!  This journal was made for me!!  What's on the back cover?

(It says: "Black as the devil, hot as hell, pure as an angel, sweet as love.")

HAHAHAHAH!!!  Is this about coffee or a woman?  OK!  I may not have the same love affair with coffee as this guy, but it's still so funny! I'm buying it!

I never thought I would proudly own anything that speaks of the devil or hell in a positive light.  But now the inside surely doesn't.  Just like in my other journals, I can reread it and be reminded of and amazed at how that black-as-coffee loser has truly become more and more defeated in my life as Jesus and I enjoyed together many battles, praises, tears, requests, confessions, secrets, hopes, dreams, disappointments, struggles, songs, psalms, poems, sketches, encouragement, fears, funny experiences, pleas, and victories (all usually with a cup of coffee).  Not to blow my own horn, because God deserves all the glory for this, nor give praise to journals, because the power of prayer is God's alone, but I do think that one of the coolest things about prayer journals is being able to look back and just read about what God has done specifically, what I asked for and seeing how He answered, and seeing how He's growing me, hopefully to be more and more like Him.  He and I have been through many journals before and by His grace I'm confident there will only be many more to come.  Praying in a journal isn't for everyone, but I'm thankful for it.

I hope I can find cute, cheap journals in Turkey.

shame and guilt and glory

My previous post was the most random thing ever.  Sorry guys. o_O

I did just order The Weight of Glory on Amazon Marketplace.  We'll see what it's really like when it gets here.

All joking and Spongebob madness aside, "glory" is something I ponder about...

I think of glorified bodies...

the glorified body picture again.  Ok, so maybe I don't take glory that seriously... well, considering the context of the week this picture was taken...

I think about 1 Corinthians 11, what it means for men to be the glory of God and women to be the glory of man... how thems fightin' words for so many feminists, yet after studying what the Bible says about femininity and masculinity, I'm okay with it.  I'm still an image bearer of God and His glory as His creation and as a daughter of His Kingdom; glory of man is an added bonus!  "A ministry of beauty." :) And men need to hear more often that they're the glory of God.

My favorite fictional example of a woman being the glory of a man: Sandra from "Big Fish"

I also often think of glory as the opposite of shame.  Then many things come up when I think of shame.

Shame is a nasty little thing we can live under instead of Jesus' freedom.  It is often said that America has "guilt culture," where our operations and daily life revolve around administering and avoiding guilt.  Our law systems are built around guilt or innocence.  When someone "becomes a Christian" in America they often speak about how they were "guilty of sin" and Jesus cleared them from it.  This is all good.  But the other culture that exists in most of the world is "shame culture" which is a lot like guilt culture, except it adds into it a sense of community and relationships, where you fear adding shame to yourself because it removes you from a group, or adds dishonor to your group.  Daily activities and decisions are done to avoid shame.  Most of the non-Western world is shame culture, and most under this culture who either "become Christians" or just say they are "a follower of Jesus" rejoice in how Jesus clears their shame and is the answer for how to know God for their whole community.  Jesus died to free people from both shame and guilt, to make us right with the most important Relationship in our lives.  His death on the cross makes good relationships with others possible, too.

I don't know if it's because I hang out with so many Asians now or what, but I feel I associate more with shame than guilt in my life now.  Not exactly something to be applauded, because that's still not where God wants me.  But perhaps that's why I do love and identify with the stories of Jesus restoring people out of their shame and into glory.  The end of the Five Aspects of Woman study highlights the sinful woman in Luke 7 and the woman at the well in John 4, as well as David's songs of repentance and forgiveness in Psalm 32, 38, and 51.  And another story I've commented on before that I relate to a lot is the thief crucified next to Jesus.  All of these are stories of glory found from God's forgiveness and ultimately Jesus' sacrifice. I suppose all of them can be read as coming out of guilt too.  I guess that's the cool thing.  Jesus saves from guilt and shame, so we can live in freedom and love.  Wow.

Then Philippians 2:1-11 blows my mind.  talk about shame turning to GLORY!  And that's what God did for us!

Jesus the Messiah paid the ultimate sacrifice for me so that I don't have to live under shame or guilt, for it is taken away.  I can live in the freedom of forgiveness, and worship Him, as the Luke 7 woman did wiping His feet with her hair, or the John 4 woman who rejoiced and told her whole village of her redemption from "everything she did," or the thief who is still and will forevermore will be praising God for the life he received at the end of his sinful life.  And then He receives ultimate glory for taking that ultimate beating, through us being His bride that will live with Him in His kingdom forever!

So those are my real thoughts about glory ^_^

GLORY!

:D

So I just read this quote by C.S. Lewis from The Weight of Glory!

"Glory suggests two ideas to me, of which one seems wicked and the other ridiculous.  Either glory means to me fame, or it means luminosity.  As for the first, since to be famous means to be better known than other people, the desire for fame appears to me as a competitive passion and therefore of hell rather than heaven.  As for the second, who wishes to become a kind of living electric light bulb?"

haha!  for some reason I laughed a long time about this.

Now the book is called The Weight of Glory so I assume the rest of it is actually about the glory of God, etc. but I like how with this quote alone, glory is either this:

or this (about 40 seconds in, sped up to be legal)

oh, glory!...

...

In seriousness, my Bible study this past semester spent time focusing on the stories where Jesus turned the shame of some of the women he met into glory! Sweet!

:D