Here's another quote from AC's If that I've chewed on for a couple of weeks:
No vision of the night can show, no word declare, with what longings of love Divine Love waits till the heart, all weary and sick of itself, turns to its Lord and says, "Take full possession." There is no need to plead that the love of God shall fill our heart as though He were unwilling to fill us: He is willing as light is willing to flood a room that is opened to its brightness; willing as water is willing to flow into an emptied channel. Love is pressing around us on all sides like air. Cease to resist, and instantly love takes possession. As the 15th century poem Quia amore langues says,Long and love thou never so high,My love is more than thine may be.More, far more. For as His abundance of pardon passes our power to tell it, so does His abundance of love: it is far as the east is from the west, high as the heaven is above the earth. But words fail. Love soars above them all.To look at ourselves leads to despair. Thank God, the Blood cleanseth.If thou be foul, I shall make thee clean,If thou be sick, I shall thee heal.Foundest thou ever love so leal*?Never, Lord, never.
*leal: loyal, faithful, honest, true
For some reason it took this to make me realize just what it means to ask for God to "take full possession." Yes, I've asked for God to take control of my life, consciously, but not realizing the magnitude of its implications. Take, for example, that my iPod is in a season right now in which nearly every day, I sing along with some artist singing "Come Thou Fount." That means nearly every day, often multiple times a day, I pray "Let Thy grace now, like a fetter bind my wandering heart to Thee... Here's my heart, Lord, take and seal it, seal it for Thy courts above."
Have I thought enough about how, along with asking for fantastic things such as to know songs of angels and acknowledging Christ as the giver of every blessing and the one who has and is and will guide me, I am asking God to have my heart - my life. Then how I can live my life every day as if it is still my own, as if, perhaps I did offer my life to Him, but then figured He did not really want it! When it is exactly what He wants from me!
And if I really give up myself, submitting to Him, then God really will have no reservations in completely drowning me His love. We can wonder what God's will for our lives may be for the unknown future, important decisions in relationships and jobs, but although we may not know the specific answers to these questions, we must first remember this: for certain, God's will for us is to be submitted to Him. He alone deserves it. Romans 12:1-2 "Therefore I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices; this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve God's will, His good, pleasing, and perfect will." And what joy would follow in knowing Him and His love when we have fully given our lives to Him, and see Him lay out His good plan for our lives?
What have I missed because I never before gave a request for His control with a serious thought? What have I missed because of idols that I may not even realize I look to or how strongly I clutch them in my hand; "Take full possession...except this."...
Then praise Him also for His mercy, in that even when we offer our hearts, without putting our whole heart into it, He still hears our prayers and is more than willing to take them, in spite of us! All the people like me who pray every day or sing in church every week and half-heartedly offer their lives, Jesus loves so much to still grant our requests and continue to grow us, make us a work in progress and take care of us, until we are finally of His image. Not that all who pray earnestly to any god are saved; Jesus is still the way, the truth, and the life, and no one comes to the Father except through Him. But God still hears their prayer, and did offer His Son that all who receive Him and believe in His name would be given the right to be called children of God. We, then, can pray as well that those who are not in the Kingdom but pray to know God would really come to know Him and Christ as their Savior, and so enter. God is willing (see 1 Timothy 2:1-7).
And even after all this discussion, I suspect I still don't really fathom what requesting that the Lord "take full possession" of me will mean. Who knows what it could cost me or where it could take me. I do know that following Jesus isn't easy, and that He said Himself many times it would be difficult.
But what would I gain?
Am I not yet "weary and sick of" myself?
...hereitgoes...
I never thought I would proudly own anything that speaks of the devil or hell in a positive light. But now the inside surely doesn't. Just like in my other journals, I can reread it and be reminded of and amazed at how that black-as-coffee loser has truly become more and more defeated in my life as Jesus and I enjoyed together many battles, praises, tears, requests, confessions, secrets, hopes, dreams, disappointments, struggles, songs, psalms, poems, sketches, encouragement, fears, funny experiences, pleas, and victories (all usually with a cup of coffee). Not to blow my own horn, because God deserves all the glory for this, nor give praise to journals, because the power of prayer is God's alone, but I do think that one of the coolest things about prayer journals is being able to look back and just read about what God has done specifically, what I asked for and seeing how He answered, and seeing how He's growing me, hopefully to be more and more like Him. He and I have been through many journals before and by His grace I'm confident there will only be many more to come. Praying in a journal isn't for everyone, but I'm thankful for it.