Just saw Slumdog Millionaire

I loved it! Go see it!

Now a lot of people would tell me to just enjoy a movie, don't look much into it. Well those people need to just accept that that's really hard for me to do. Actually, it's impossible! I really am sorry!

So, I DID enjoy this movie, very much.

But while watching it I had an assignment, to be able to report back to Jon H. if it's "good" or not. Well, ok, yes, the simple answer to that is "GOOD!" And driving back from the theater I was thinking of how I could tell him it was really good. And then I thought:

"What makes this movie really good is that God can use it." Yay! It's a kind of moving movie that can make people respond and do something about injustice! Maybe even do crazy things like go to India and help orphaned children!

But then on arriving back home, I had a disturbing thought.

What if people don't respond?

What if from the millions of people who see this movie, everyone feels so good about themselves that they just keep going on with everything they've always done. It was just a movie. Bad things like that don't really happen, right? Even if it did, God's in control and poor kids in India can go on Who Wants to be a Millionaire so I don't have to do anything about all those disturbing images I saw, right?

I think of a part in Hotel Rwanda where one character talks about how all the people in America would hear about the crisis, then they'd say that's awful, then continue on with their lives. That was just as disturbing as seeing the rest of the movie.

Well, is Christy going to India to help orphaned children? No...but...

Here's the thing. I really do not want to toot my own horn or lift myself up. I wish I could say I always do what I'm told, but I don't. But, I just do honestly feel burdened, and I do want to call people to listen to what God could be calling them to do...

I am not going to India, but I am going to Turkey. I'm pretty sure Turkey is nothing like the slums of India, especially Ankara, where I'll be teaching English at a really awesome International University. In fact, I hear Ankara is the most modern city in Turkey (it is the capital...), and that I will probably feel like I'm in Western Europe often. And teaching English is not the same as feeding or caring for orphaned children...

But if I'm supposed to go to Turkey, I'm going. Is it my first choice? Is it what I think could be most enjoyable for me? Is it what I think can secure things I really want? No. In fact I have great fear because although I believe going to Turkey is going to be AMAZING and full of blessings, the answer to those questions is "no." Really, the most attractive thing about going to Turkey is "God's calling." Or Allah's, given the context. To go with Slumdog Millionaire, you could call it "destiny," I guess.

If God called me to go to India and help orphaned children, would I do it?

I don't know. I hope so.

If God called you, would you?

Have you ever thought about it? Has he? Could he? Would you listen?

To be fair, I actually have a lot of good friends who have made hard decisions and have or are leaving comfort to do what they know they should do. That's pretty cool. And although many have been, not all of those decisions have been decisions to go to some strange country to do some great quest for love and justice. Some of them have just gone away from familiarity or comfort, or taken a risk to their security by giving money or doing a job that may honor God more but doesn't give as big rewards in this life. And I know others who want to do these things, but health keeps them here. I support that. And you are not who I'm talking to here.

But in general, Americans really do love their comfort and security a little too much. They say the big stuff is for someone else, but I couldn't leave my family and friends (or bring them with me [do not forget that that's an option!]). They may say they have too good of a "ministry" here, or that they believe that if God wants them to be happy, he'd never tell them to do something too risky, too out-of-line of what they'd planned for their life.

Have they ever thought about if God would have something different? Because yes, God does want his people to be happy, but too many people are missing out!!

Who's to say you wouldn't find more fulfillment and happiness doing something you've never planned of doing, over your secure comfortable job? You could be missing out!

And what about those unhappy people you could be meeting/helping? The kids in SM were actors. But there's real kids like that everywhere! And real conflicts, real suffering! What if it was your family being caught in a war, or your son hungry, or your daughter sold to prostitution? Wouldn't you care? Wouldn't you want to do something, or have someone come help you? They are missing out!

All people are made in the image of God. And he loves every one of them.

If we love God, how should we respond to this?

Pray that people would respond!! And do something yourself!

sorry if it was harsh. I learned in psychology class that when you sacrifice for something, it's natural to want to demand others to do the same, or get upset when others don't do the same. but there's no humility in that, and I don't want to be that way. I'm sorry.

but have not love, I am nothing

oh Jon Foreman.

"Revenge"

I'm the failure
I'm everyone's fool
And I'm losing my cool at the end

I'm the loser
My number's come up
I've been hung up with thoughts of
Revenge,
Revenge,
Revenge

I watched you
From my terminal view
As you struggled to rise to your end

I laughed hard
At the insults we threw
As the weight of the world found
Revenge

The world hung upside down
I drew first blood
I drew first blood
With my hate for a crown
I drew first blood
I drew first blood
Revenge

I watched heaven
Dying today
And I'm gonna die here tonight

I'm a villain
I deserve to be dead
I've been hung up for
Wreckin' my life
Revenge

So I stopped for a moment
To look at the sun
Dying today

That's when the irony hit me
That this was revenge
Love had descended
And stolen our pain
Away

We consumed heaven's Son
I drew first blood
I drew first blood
My hate was undone
I drew first blood
I drew first blood
Revenge

Here's a story
How a thief had been robbed
How a murder had stolen my rage

Think of me, Lord
I'm a few breaths away
As my lungs finally rip from the
Cage...
Revenge

...ok, wow. I've heard this song plenty of times before, and I've been thinking about this song all day and how the words are just perfect for me right now. I only just now realized that this is yet another song where the speaker of the song is the thief on the cross next to Jesus.

well, that makes even more sense then. That thief and I have a lot in common.

Father, forgive me. For if I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

May I be a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal no longer.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

This is how You have loved me. Oh Father, may the price You paid rob me of my hate. I want to love like You do so much, but fail every day. And You still say, "there is no condemnation!" because of the price You paid. Because of the price You paid, may I love!

and please bring reconciliation among Your people - For Your name's sake! ...Amen.

My Lord is loving and strong.

On my mind...

for various reasons.

Phil. 1:18b-26 "Yes, and I will rejoice, ¹⁹for I know that^A)"> through your prayers and the help of the Spirit of Jesus Christ this will turn out for my deliverance, ²⁰as it is my eager expectation and hope that I will not be at all ashamed, but that with full courage now as always Christ will be honored in my body, whether by life or by death. ²¹For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. ²²If I am to live in the flesh, that means fruitful labor for me. Yet which I shall choose I cannot tell. ²³ I am hard pressed between the two. My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better. ²⁴But to remain in the flesh is more necessary on your account. ²⁵ Convinced of this, I know that I will remain and continue with you all, for your progress and joy in the faith, ²⁶so that in me you may have ample cause to glory in Christ Jesus, because of my coming to you again."

Our "glorified bodies." lolI think it's just starting to occur to me just how much my life was and will be affected by that summer. (perhaps ironic for those who have been around me and seen it).

my way of thinking about life and death really is different than others'!

and I hope my life can have as much of an impact as some of those before me.

thanks John, for your example.

Indonesians!

I will write a more detailed post soon (a lot's been going on!)

But I thought I'd quickly give more evidence that my life is amazing! these are my gila Indonesian friends!!

so much better than the original!*

...

They'll soon be returning to their home country. Just like how my good friend Makiko just returned back to Japan.

I must admit, having to say goodbye so much is not one of my favorite parts of my life...

;_;

*edit: by better than the original I mean, so much better than the original Youtube video of some boys lip syncing to "Marimar." Not better than the original Indonesian group! All the Indonesians that have come to CESL have been awesome!

authentic

I haven't posted in a while. I really want to. I've been really busy.

I'll write a real post soon, but just to revive my blog...I thought this was crazy:

So I was helping the new group of Tokyo International University students settle into UofA today. This included getting them a Catcard and setting up their meal plan.

So in the meal plan office, there's a list of all the places on campus the meal plan can be used. Each location has a small description of the place. For example, Burger King's was "burgers and fries made your way" or something like that.

What was messed up was that Panda Express was labeled as: "authentic Chinese food"

have you ever heard anything so absurd?!

God's love

I've been learning about God's love since I became a Christian. It's amazing how there's always more to learn, and more to chew on with things he's already taught me.

Thinking on my college experience, there have been a few revelations about God's love that I would dwell on for some time.

In Japan and the following year it was God's perfect love for all people, whether they knew him or not.

Most of 2007 it was God's jealous love that would not tolerate idols in my life, demanding my love as he poured out his. This was really difficult and painful. It was worth it.

In 2008 it was that God's love is strong. Yeah, it's the name of my favorite song. But praise God that my stubborn heart has gained something. I've been blown away. He is fierce, he is terrifying, he loves me. He'll protect me, and he died for me. Even after all my whorings (yay ESV lingo...really no word puts it better.)

I think anything else I could learn about God's love can be summed up in God's love is strong. Not that I'm done learning about it, it's just been such a solid truth...

Now Paul says "Be imitators of God, as beloved children" which is to "walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God." (Eph. 5:1-2). What a hard act to follow. I just fail at love. In fact, one of the persons most dear to me has told me that because I did not love her well, she now loves her sin. She has her own things to deal with, but what about me? What a wretch I truly am! How many others have turned away from faith because of me? how many relationships are forever ruined because I have not loved well like my Lord? I know I am not responsible for everyone and their "reaction" to me...but I do have some responsibility, right? I feel awful.

And then Christ has died for this too? what a scandal. No one can love like him. I'm supposed to imitate him? Is this supposed to feel like a burden?...

Two concepts of God's love have been pounding me this winter break. One is how a man's love for a woman in marriage is an image of Christ's love for the church as outlined in the rest of Eph 5, certainly that's on my mind because this has been a winter break of weddings.

The other is a phrase that's repeated a lot among my friends: God loves us perfectly just as we are, but God loves us so much that he won't let us stay the way we are.

I love this. I've seen this. When I continue to love my idols, my ways, my self, God loves me still...but he doesn't tolerate the sin. And whatever it takes, he shows me: he loves me, and because he loves me he died for me so I can leave the sin and know his love more; he died for me so I could be dead to sin and alive in Christ; he died so I can change from my sinful ways and rejoice in him more. it's like hosea 6. and it's painful, but I know God more...what a joy!

How do we imitate this? If I try, it feels like judging the other person. Is it judging? Do I want to call it love but is it just judging? Actually, knowing me...probably. I know I'm a judgmental person, and that it is a sickening sin that keeps me from God and other people. And it's a sin that God won't tolerate, in his love. I hope that's why I'm so convicted of it now - because God is working on removing it. I want it to be gone. And I want to love. But then, when is it in love to tell someone to leave their sin? Maybe it totally will be, but I still fail. I love in a fallen way. And that just hurts other people and makes relationships worse. crap.

Then God redeems everything. Because of his love. Because of what he accomplished on the cross.

Seriously? what is this love I know, but can't comprehend!? I'm supposed to imitate it! I can't, I fail! He covers and redeems that too! What?! God's love is unlike anything!

God's love is perfect, jealous, strong. He is righteous and merciful in a way I can never be but looooong to learn. In his perfect love for himself he casts out the wicked and pours out his wrath. In his perfect love for himself he also loves the world and sent his Son, to pour out his wrath on him to be the propitiation of the sins of the wicked who trust him. Somehow I'm caught in this love story. It's amazing. I can't contain it. It's worth living for. It's worth telling everyone about...everyone needs to know about this. It's worth dying for.

I will love imperfectly, in a fallen state, until I'm with him. Until then he'll teach me more about his love, and I'll try to imitate as best as I can, because he's my Daddy. And when I fail - I always will - he can make it right. In him alone we have the hope of true love in a fallen world.

crazy.

okay, gotta stop now. I hope this made sense. It still doesn't quite make sense to me.

one thing I've always despaired about is how I'm awful at effectively expressing things. But if God's love is what I'm interested in, then I gotta get over that...and trust him.