God's love

I've been learning about God's love since I became a Christian. It's amazing how there's always more to learn, and more to chew on with things he's already taught me.

Thinking on my college experience, there have been a few revelations about God's love that I would dwell on for some time.

In Japan and the following year it was God's perfect love for all people, whether they knew him or not.

Most of 2007 it was God's jealous love that would not tolerate idols in my life, demanding my love as he poured out his. This was really difficult and painful. It was worth it.

In 2008 it was that God's love is strong. Yeah, it's the name of my favorite song. But praise God that my stubborn heart has gained something. I've been blown away. He is fierce, he is terrifying, he loves me. He'll protect me, and he died for me. Even after all my whorings (yay ESV lingo...really no word puts it better.)

I think anything else I could learn about God's love can be summed up in God's love is strong. Not that I'm done learning about it, it's just been such a solid truth...

Now Paul says "Be imitators of God, as beloved children" which is to "walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God." (Eph. 5:1-2). What a hard act to follow. I just fail at love. In fact, one of the persons most dear to me has told me that because I did not love her well, she now loves her sin. She has her own things to deal with, but what about me? What a wretch I truly am! How many others have turned away from faith because of me? how many relationships are forever ruined because I have not loved well like my Lord? I know I am not responsible for everyone and their "reaction" to me...but I do have some responsibility, right? I feel awful.

And then Christ has died for this too? what a scandal. No one can love like him. I'm supposed to imitate him? Is this supposed to feel like a burden?...

Two concepts of God's love have been pounding me this winter break. One is how a man's love for a woman in marriage is an image of Christ's love for the church as outlined in the rest of Eph 5, certainly that's on my mind because this has been a winter break of weddings.

The other is a phrase that's repeated a lot among my friends: God loves us perfectly just as we are, but God loves us so much that he won't let us stay the way we are.

I love this. I've seen this. When I continue to love my idols, my ways, my self, God loves me still...but he doesn't tolerate the sin. And whatever it takes, he shows me: he loves me, and because he loves me he died for me so I can leave the sin and know his love more; he died for me so I could be dead to sin and alive in Christ; he died so I can change from my sinful ways and rejoice in him more. it's like hosea 6. and it's painful, but I know God more...what a joy!

How do we imitate this? If I try, it feels like judging the other person. Is it judging? Do I want to call it love but is it just judging? Actually, knowing me...probably. I know I'm a judgmental person, and that it is a sickening sin that keeps me from God and other people. And it's a sin that God won't tolerate, in his love. I hope that's why I'm so convicted of it now - because God is working on removing it. I want it to be gone. And I want to love. But then, when is it in love to tell someone to leave their sin? Maybe it totally will be, but I still fail. I love in a fallen way. And that just hurts other people and makes relationships worse. crap.

Then God redeems everything. Because of his love. Because of what he accomplished on the cross.

Seriously? what is this love I know, but can't comprehend!? I'm supposed to imitate it! I can't, I fail! He covers and redeems that too! What?! God's love is unlike anything!

God's love is perfect, jealous, strong. He is righteous and merciful in a way I can never be but looooong to learn. In his perfect love for himself he casts out the wicked and pours out his wrath. In his perfect love for himself he also loves the world and sent his Son, to pour out his wrath on him to be the propitiation of the sins of the wicked who trust him. Somehow I'm caught in this love story. It's amazing. I can't contain it. It's worth living for. It's worth telling everyone about...everyone needs to know about this. It's worth dying for.

I will love imperfectly, in a fallen state, until I'm with him. Until then he'll teach me more about his love, and I'll try to imitate as best as I can, because he's my Daddy. And when I fail - I always will - he can make it right. In him alone we have the hope of true love in a fallen world.

crazy.

okay, gotta stop now. I hope this made sense. It still doesn't quite make sense to me.

one thing I've always despaired about is how I'm awful at effectively expressing things. But if God's love is what I'm interested in, then I gotta get over that...and trust him.